When He Dreams
by honeysuckelvine
Summary: Naruto cries in his sleep and some people find themselves wandering why.Beta: Amy the magnificent!


Title: When He Dreams

Pairing: Ground work for Kaka/Naru many years later

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto but I want to!!

Summery: Naruto cries in his sleep and some people find themselves wandering why.

Beta: Amy the magnificent!!!!!

God this hurts.

I have never felt such pain in my heart before nor felt more helpless to fix it. In my life, pain is an old familiar friend and I had thought my heart to be hardened to any more but this is something that will break my stone heart into tiny bits because I am powerless to help.

On the first night camping with my students so many months ago, I felt my heart drop when I realized that Naruto silently cries in his sleep. It was the last watch of the night and while checking up on my miscreant kids, I was shocked to see the moon reflecting off of a tear damp cheek. He was completely silent while he soaked the pillow beneath his head.

The next morning, I paid close attention and my findings disturbed me greatly. His selfish teammates had noticed nothing on their night watches and Naruto himself seemed oblivious to his own pain the night before.

Sunny as ever, he bounced around with enthusiastic abandon. His team mates where cruel as ever and I almost wanted to accuse him of being annoying on purpose.

I was about to put the whole thing out of my head as a fluke but it happened again. Every night, he cries silent tears that only I know about and in the morning, he thinks that he has simply drooled heavily and tries to hide it from the pink haired girl who would be completely disgusted to find out.

We met a little boy named Inari on that first trip and I watched him interact with Naruto. One night, Naruto lost his temper with the whiney boy when he told us all to "Give up already!" Naruto screamed at the boy for crying all the time like heroine in a movie or novel and stormed out.

I later told Inari that Naruto's life was very hard and that he was probably sick of crying.

That is when it hit me. My poor little student was so tired of crying all the time that he put on a happy face to hold the tears all in.

All of that pain had to go somewhere and when he was asleep at night, the pain he held onto all day long found its outlet.

Knowing this made his tears that much sadder somehow. I began to feel very protective of the small blond and knew that to help him would single him out and probably do more harm than good.

I forced myself to remain distant from the blue-eyed imp so that I could better keep my feelings in check. All I wanted was to hug his sadness away but I knew that it was impossible and so I pretended to not care.

The night after we nearly lost Sasuke, he sobbed softly in his sleep and I felt my hardened heart break a little more. I began to pay better attention from then on. I knew that his teammates would never notice silent tears but on the days when something happened to truly upset Naruto; I took all of the watch shifts to keep them from hearing his cries.

I don't trust them not to use the information to hurt him and Naruto has already been hurt far too much for one so small.

The pain that I mentioned feeling tonight came from watching the kid sleeping by the fire. Today's mission was hard for him and I knew that his tears would not remain silent for much longer.

The reason why the mission was so hard on him made me want to take some names and do some killing. His reaction to the slime ball we had to locate told far too much about the childhood he had to have experienced.

A distraught woman hired us to help her and her small son to escape from her abusive husband and get to a safe place where the brute could not find them. Unfortunately, the jerk was in the process of beating his son when we arrived.

It was plain to see that the boy had been abused in other physical ways than a beating and Naruto lost it. The Kyuubi's power wrapped around him as he lunged for the bastard, one swipe of his clawed hands and the family no longer had a reason to run away.

Thankfully, the other two members of our team had been left outside to keep watch and missed the evidence that Naruto was much more than he seems. They know that Naruto killed the man and why.

Sakura had the decency to be worried about how his first kill must be affecting Naruto. Her sympathy dried up however when her dearest Sasuke made it plain that he was angry with the blond for seemingly getting ahead of him in experience.

Nether of them saw Naruto talking to the child in low tones and bandaging him up. Nether of them realized that Naruto was the only one, including the boy's mother, to be able to get near the hurting youth. He knew the perfect way to approach the boy and just what to say to soothe his anxiety.

The pink haired nuisance came into the house just in time to see the child run from Naruto to his mother in tears and grab hold. The hurting family clung to each other desperately.

Sakura wrongly assumed that Naruto had said something wrong and beat him over the head. I hated the way he retreated behind his fake smile. I rushed to stop her, knowing the kind of damage she was doing to him, when the mother beat me to it.

A resounding slap caused Sasuke to jump in surprise and Sakura to fall back on her butt while clutching her bruised cheek.

"Don't touch him!" She seethed. Then she turned to Naruto and hugged him tightly, "You have saved us and brought me back my boy!" She wept.

Sakura was confused. "What do you mean?"

The woman smiled sadly, "My poor little Kenji would not smile, laugh, or cry for the last several months. Whatever you said to him has brought him back from the place in his mind where he went to get away from my husband. Thank you for whatever you said." She squeezed the blond boy tightly and thanked him over and over.

I saw him leave his address with the little boy before he left and promised to write often.

I could tell that Sakura and Sasuke were intrigued but I kept them too busy to ask him any questions. I could tell that the child's abuse hit too close to home for Naruto and I would not let those two make this even worse for my boy….

My boy?….

When did I start thinking of him as 'My boy'?

"NO!" Naruto hollered.

I have never heard him say words in his sleep before and he is never so loud. Sakura and Sasuke both leapt from their sleeping bags with weapons in hand and searched for the intruders that they assumed where there.

"Stop!" Naruto thrashed about in his sleep.

Shocked, the other two turned to stare at the boy who was in the midst of a horrible nightmare. Sakura attempted to go to him but I stopped her.

"It is dangerous to wake a ninja especially one who is having a dream like that. He won't know who you are."

As real as those words may be, it was taking all of my will power to keep from rushing over to him myself. I wanted nothing more than to rip him from the past that I knew he was reliving.

We all watched on helplessly for the next hour while he thrashed about and screamed the same two words over and over. "NO! STOP!"

At last he fell back into his silent tears and I relaxed. "It's over now. You two can go back to sleep." I told them.

"It can't be over Sensei, he's still crying." Insisted Sakura.

Oh no, I have to explain some things that I don't want to explain but it is the only way to save Naruto from this in the morning. "This is normal for him Sakura. Nether of you has ever noticed it but he always cries like this in his sleep."

She reared back in shock and the Uchiha sat down hard but his face remained bland.

"I will not tell you much because frankly, your treatment of him tells me that you both don't deserve to know about him," I ignored her outcry of indignation, "But basically, Naruto has had a much harder life than anyone in the village." I saw Sasuke stiffen up beside me, "Yes Sasuke, he has had it much harder than even you can imagine and today's mission brought back a small portion of it."

They were puzzled for a moment, "You mean the boy and his abusive father?" She asked.

I stare at them significantly and will them to connect the dots for themselves. Sakura lived up to her reputation for being astute, "He was abused as a kid too wasn't he?" She whispered.

I looked away to hopefully keep my own tears at bay, "I don't know the details but his actions today tell me that he was. Also, I know that he was mistreated in a lot of other ways and still is. I won't tell you any more. If you want to know about him, you have to be nice enough to gain his trust and even then, you might never learn about all that he has been through."

I am surprised when Sasuke is the one to speak up, "Can you tell me what you mean about him still being mistreated?"

I sighed heavily, "Think about the way that the two of you treat him and then realize that only a small handful of people treat him any better and the rest of the village is much worse." I allow my words to sink in, "Now go to sleep and don't tell Naruto about any of this tomorrow. He doesn't know about his nightly habit and I don't think he needs to."

They stared at me until I shooed them away again. As soon as I'm sure that I'm the only one awake, I finally allow the moisture behind my eyes to flow down my face unheeded. God it hurt to love someone again and to see him hurt so much.

I wanted to protect him so badly and there was nothing that I could do. Regret and pain were lousy friends and they both kept me company for the rest of the night.

In the morning, Naruto was as happy as ever and his friends tried their best to keep from staring at him. They now understand what lies behind his sunny smile and the fakeness of it surprises them both.

I'm proud of they way they act as though nothing has changed and silently watch the bouncy boy for more clues to the puzzle. Naruto slipped into his annoying routine of talking about his tummy, ramen, becoming Hokage and kicking ass.

When he got to the point where they normally tuned him out, Naruto began the test. I noticed this a long time ago. He knew that they tuned him out and he tested this with a few well-placed insults and crude phrases. I rewarded Sakura and Sasuke for the way they were handling themselves by motioning for them to remain silent.

They looked at me questioningly but did as I said and pretended to be off in their own worlds. He waited a second and tested them again. He looked over his shoulder to confirm that we were all not paying him any attention and then the real Naruto came out.

Their jaws drop and I enjoyed the show!

Naruto's happy bounce faded away and his voice became more serious. His inane blabber stopped and in its place was something that I enjoyed immensely. He began to talk about all of the beauty that he saw in the world around him.

It was astounding how many plants he could name as well as the animals and butterflies. He had a large store of Robert Frost poems and such in that sharp mind of his.

It was not that he's a genius or anything but it's obvious that he loved the world around him and as such, had studied anything that could add to his enjoyment of it. I could only assume that Iruka-sensei was responsible for the large collection of poems the boy has memorized by this Robert Frost fellow.

I almost hated that I am no longer the only one to listen to Naruto when he was like this but I cannot help but feel lightened by the respectful gazes that he now received from his two teammates.

I don't even notice that the sun sunk completely down until Naruto starts a new poem inspired by the brightness of the night and the fireflies all around us.

"_Fireflies in the Garden_

Here come real stars to fill the upper skies,  
And here on earth come emulating flies,  
That though they never equal stars in size,  
(And they were never really stars at heart)  
Achieve at times a very star-like start.  
Only, of course, they can't sustain the part."

I gave him a moment of silence and then destroyed the mood by directing them to set up camp in the small grove we have found.

I knew that the curious cats on my team were impatiently biding their time until Naruto drifted off to sleep.

As soon as the first tear drifts from below a closed lid, Sakura pounces on me. "What was all of that today? Why does he seem so at peace after yesterday and how often does he do that whole talking smart thing?"

Jeez she was intense! "Being a ball of energy gets tiring but he needs it to maintain the happy appearance that keeps him from becoming depressed. He is a special soul who sees the wonder in the world around him no matter how much his heart may be grieving," I looked pointedly at Sasuke, "And he's had so much silence in his life that I noticed he's desperate to fill it now. I suspect your old academy teacher had a lot to do with the stuff he memorized and recited." They pondered this, "I am going to sleep and you will take turns with the watch tonight!" I tell them happily.

I settled into my sleeping bag with a contented sigh. I feel at ease now that they know. They handled everything so much better than I ever dreamed they would.

While I feign sleep, I can hear them plotting ways to start showing Naruto kindness without him becoming suspicious. They both want to improve his life and are seeking ways to do so.

I feel my heart mend a bit and soften while my delinquents planned.

Maybe there is hope for my boy after all!


End file.
